Hey guys, Justine here. Wow. This was a bit of a long time coming, and took a while to do. So bear with me I had a lot to say. Now you may not see your favorite on here because there are literally a 100 more songs. I have feelings so here we go…

30. “Hello, Nice to Meet You” (season 4, episode 8)

I might get a lot of shit for this. I don’t care, I like a lot of Greg songs so GET USED TO IT. Ok, so the reasoning why I might get a lot of shit is that A) it’s a season 4 song and omg there are soooo many other ones that came before! and B) it’s not “really Greg” to some people. Yes we’re meeting the Skylar version of Greg in this song, which didn’t always work for me. Santino has some hella big shoes to fill so if we need to accept Skylar we HAVE TO DO IT in this song. The “What’ll It Be? (reprise)” is also nice but also way later in the season. So back to this song. It’s cute and catchy. And fills in a lot of explaining gaps AND is sups important to making us believe our future ‘Love Quadrangle’ so like I said it’s a very important song. Also it’s super coy with the wink to the audience saying, ‘let’s pretend we’re meeting for the first time,’ while actually meeting this actor for the first time. I dunno man I’m into it. I love when the show is self-aware that it’s a show like in “Who’s the New Guy?” The sauce jokes do go on one too many.

Best line: “Hello nice to meet you / You’ve been inside of me”

29. “Put Yourself First” (season 1, episode 10)

This song is fun and it’s like a younger girl group version of “The Sexy Getting Ready Song.” Like in that one, I also like how this one starts out with a concept and then tears it apart and gets weird but REAL?? I actually think this song is too short and could have gotten darker and weirder. They topped themselves with just fake eyelids.

Best line: “Pierce your ears just for yourself / Put a hole in your earlobe just for yourself”

28. “What U Missed While U Were PopUlar” (season 4, episode 8)

Guys I like literally screamed when this song came on and it was a “Hollaback Girl” parody I was SO FOR IT! I had a big No Doubt thing in high school so using them to represent high school is perrrrffeeeccct. I also thing George sings it wonderfully. There are so many repeated lines but I think he brings a different nuance and inflection to each one. I also love it whenever there are goth kids in anything. I loved how they delivered all their deadpan lines.

Best line: “While you were wearing flip-flops / We were wearing black flip-flops”

27. “Dream Ghosts” (season 1, episode 15)

Ok Dreamgirls parody plus Ricki Lake OOOF! I love the catchy chorus with the backing vocals it totally has you singing along the first time you hear it. I love how it just knocks you back with guest stars (again yayyy Ricki Lake) and I think they just have fun with it. It reminds me also of the “Beauty School Dropout” number from Grease. I do wish it furthered the plot along more instead of devolving into talking about their health plan.

Best line: “It’ll never be clear if we’re / Hallucinated or actually magic”

26. “I Have Friends” (season 1, episode 3)

It’s short, it’s sweet, and you know you could have sang it at some point in your life. Perhaps currently. Cause I have friends… I definitely have friends.

Best line: “Grocery clerk with half an eyelid!”

25. “Maybe She’s Not Such a Heinous Bitch After All” (season 3, episode 5)

I looove when CXG goes 60s. Holds a special place in my heart. When you hear this Ronette’s inspired number I swear you think it’s a real song from the era. It’s another one that makes you think you can sing along the first time you hear it. I feel like the lyrics build in a very satisfying way too. I dunno it just does happy things to my brain. It kinda gets points deducted because when it starts you think it’s going to be the “Santa Ana Winds” all over again. It’s such a banger, y’all.

Best line: “Maybe old age has tamed this witch and made her a doll / But like one of those evil haunted dolls”

24. “Friendtopia” (season 2, episode 6)

Spice Girls parody!! Need I say more? I really like Valencia and Heather in this one. This song is for them for sure. I looove the clapping during the “Squad Goals!” verse, I mean come on how could you not clap along? And take control of the banks… I do love the Hocus Pocus mention but I think the song could have ended stronger.

Best line: “We’re going to braid each other’s hair / Then cut each other’s braids / Connect the braids to build a rope / To hang all of Congress!”

23. “Greg’s Drinking Song” (season 2, episode 2)

Oh sweet, sweet Greg. I think what gives this song top marks is Santino’s delivery. That and I’m really fond of when they do songs that make them do a bit of a time travel performance ie: “Where’s Rebecca Bunch?” (which is not on my list sorry. But also I love how they still never give White Josh sleeves no matter where in time he is.) Ok back to this song, c’mon Santino is singing about pee and selling the poop out of it! It’s one of those songs that I mentioned earlier, that takes the absurd concept and keeps building up the ‘crazy’ till Greg is sexing a bush.

Best line: “I knock on the cockpit shouting, / “I’ll fly this plane”/ We emergency landed, the TSA came / Now I’m banned from South West/ Cos I tried to fly planes”

22. “West Covina” (season 1, episode 1)

The song that started them all. Like you have to like this song because this is where they had to sell the whole concept of the show to you. It also has the magic ‘West Covina’ hook that you hear over and over again and whenever I look to the east of me on Google maps (only two hours from the beach.) It has a very broadway song structure rather than pop song so it delivers the whole “I want” dialogue and expectations of the character. Like Josh just HAPPENS to be here guys.

Best line: “Do you get those things are different? / (No hablo Ingles.) / Et tiendes son differentes.”

21. “The Buzzing From the Bathroom” (season 3, episode 2)

You guys, I love Les Mis so much that I almost included their other nod to the best musical ever on this list even though it’s only ok. BUT OMG this song structure hits “Empty Chairs at Empty Tables” so hard and I love the things that it does to my brain because knowing that song, you then know all the beats that this song is going to hit. Such goooood parody. Like I can’t even get over it that as soon as he sings the first line you know exactly what song they’re parodying!! Sorry guys I REALLY love Les Mis! Yes the subject matter is great and the lyrics are super witty and I love the rhymes but oh man I have to move on.

Best line: “I used to think I was a hero / CAN’T BELIEVE SHE DIDN’T COME… / … to tell me that she need / so much more than I could give!”

20. “Santa Ana Winds” (season 2, episode 11)

Top 20! Now we’re getting into the reallll nitty gritty. These songs are not only good, but they also come with personal connections/feelings/in-jokes. I will say that this collection of songs that make up “Santa Ana Winds” does work better in the context of the show than as a stand alone medley. It works better infrequently because it’s so redundant. But still it’s catchy, hooky good times. Ashley and I sing this one a lot on podcast because do indeed experience these DEVIL WINDS!

Best line: “To reiterate, I make things weird”

19. “My Sperm Is Healthy” (season 3, episode 8)

Omg I can’t stop singing this one once I hear it. And it’s also one of the few where I really prefer the explicit lyrics over the TV safe ones. And omgggg do you guys hear all the Tom Hanks references?!? Yeah it’s like top notch songwriting going on here and you can bounce along with it. Wouldn’t expect any less from Adam Schlesinger who wrote the “That Thing You Do” song as well as co-writing this song and being the Executive Music Producer of the show.

Best line: “I’m in a league of my own, just like Tom Hanks / Not a castaway / But I blast away / That thing I do / Is inseminate you”

18. “Feeling Kinda Naughty” (season 1, episode 2)

I feel like I have some feelings for this song because it was in the second episode and that’s probably where I got really hooked and was like, “yes this song is exactly for me.” It’s a fun number, it’s not particularly special in terms of what they’ve done after. It’s parodying “I Kissed a Girl” I believe. But I think it hooks you in by being one of those fun pop numbers with really effed up lyrics.

Best line: “Like that film with Liberace”

17. “Having a Few People Over” (season 1, episode 10)

Hahaha ok this song is just me when I’m prepping for game night because I am a sad lonely soul. Daryl is just hilarious and I love him.

Best line: “Having a few people over”

16. “Heavy Boobs” (season 1, episode 16)

I feel like this may have been a lot of people’s intro to the show. I mean I even saw it go viral before I was watching so I definitely give it it’s due for that. I like how the lyrics are sometimes repeated but often a new funny line gets added in. I wish the ending was stronger though.

Best line: “Stuff falls into my bra, it’s a little bit of a drag / But when I go to bed at night, it’s like opening a Mary Poppins bag”

15. “Who’s the New Guy?” (season 2, episode 9)

Yesss Nathaniel I love him so. BUT of course WHAT new character?! WHAT is this show doing? Well those are exactly the fears that this self-aware song address. I think it’s also a great ensemble piece without Rebecca back when they were getting more of the office mates involved. I don’t know I just love it so much when they break the fourth wall! All the lines are good!

Best line: “Why should we root for someone male, straight and white?”

14. “Research Me Obsessively” (season 2, episode 7)

I feel like I love this song cause it’s kinda too true. It’s one of those moments where you feel called out for doing something specific, which it turns out, everyone does. It’s surreal. I mean I’m not saying I go to these lengths! But everyone has thoughts….

Best line: “It’s not stalking ’cause the information is all technically public”

13. “We Tapped That Ass” (season 2, episode 4)

Yessssss it’s the team up we always wanted- the original love triangle at its best! I mean ex-boyfriends in your head are so cruel. Especially when they ghost tap dance all over your apartment! This is such a fun song and has great “Singing in the Rain” homages that even though it’s about shameful shameful sex you just feel all warm and fuzzy. This song is amazing.

Best line: “And then we hit the back patio / That’s where we hit your back pati…Oh!”

12. “Thought Bubbles” (season 2, episode 5)

This song is super funny but also a great (Jack Johnson??) parody. I dunno when you hear it you’re like oh yeah that guy. Josh sounds great in this song. I know like usually they just give him the big dance numbers but I think he killed it with this one and it was surprising.

Best line: “And now the thought and I are fighting in a bar / And I can’t beat the thought because he’s super swole! / Cause the thought hits the gym more than I do! / If I can’t even hit the gym, how will I ever be a good father?”

11. “Buttload of Cats” (season 3, episode 12)

Ok so I actually prefer Buttload to Fuckton because I think the word is funnier. And if it’s anything, this song is FUN and a deep dark look at my imminent future. Puppet background cats are excellent and the song is catchy and now I’m gonna be singing it allllll day.

Best line: “Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow”

10. “Let’s Generalize About Men” (season 3, episode 1)

Ok top 10! I lovvvvve every one of these songs and I can’t skip them if they come up on random in Spotify. Like selecting them for this list I made this sound, “ldjslfhfkhkgksfdls,” when they came up for selection. I have feeeelings ok? Now to start off with this catchy number. It’s a good fun song and you want to get with your gal pals and smash some patriarchy yeah! Break out your wine cause men are the worrrrrssstttt. Even our loved ones. Every line in this song is great. Great. GREAT!

Best line: “There are no exceptions / All three billion men are like this / All 3.6 billion men”

9. “Ping Pong Girl” (season 2, episode 2)

I love this song. I listen to it all the time. I love Josh doing pop-punk and I feel personal seen and this song was made for me. Like I’m desperate to have friends over and we can do Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Karaoke and perform this one. Like that’s my dream. The “whoa, yeah, ok, hey!”s are perfect. Perfect. The structure is spot-on, it’s so satisfying. I mean I feel like I attribute this all again to Adam for being in Fountains of Wayne.

Best line: “She’s like Serena or Venus! / Just watching her swing affects my penis”

8. “It Was a Shit Show” (season 2, episode 4)

So every time I hear the opening line to this song I go “awwwwww” really sadly. “I love you, yes.” Like why Greg WHY YOU GO?! I remember when I watched this for the first time in the show, when he changes his tune in the last verse the song with “Oh, what the hell, Let’s get a hotel,” I was like “ohhhhhh he’s really not going!” It really got my hopes up for a minute there and I WAS Rebecca! Oooof. It’s relatable and it hits hard. Let’s mourn the loss of Greg again. ::cries::

Best line: “I won’t forget / I won’t regret / This beautiful, heart-stopping, breathtaking, life-changing….”

7. “I Gave You a UTI” (season 1, episode 17)

Oh my god I need to recover after that last song. Yay funny Greg! 😀 Lol dudes will just boast about anything, won’t they? 😉 It’s also sweet thinking about this song in the context of the episode. Here he’s proudly singing about how she may die from his awesome sex but later in the episode her pain becomes actual real to him. This is the excited calm before the storm.

Best line: “I’m so good at sex / Your maiden ship got wrecked.”

6. “Oh My God I Think I Like You” (season 1, episode 17)

Ok back to the feels. Yeah this episode is a winner cause it’s got two of my favorite songs! I think it’s a great pop song, I think it’s relatable on so many levels, I think it’s fantastic for the story. Winnnnner all around. I love it. This is so much the opposite of her other songs. When you think she’s about to go raunchy again, she goes sincere. And it really hits. And it’s so painful.

Best line: “Is there an I.U.D that can stop / The image of you and me / Getting married by a hillside / Surrounded by ducks, and then / We get into a rowboat?”

5. “Love Kernels” (season 2, episode 1)

We’re just on a rollercoaster of feels, OK?! You knew what you were getting into I warned you! Time for some abstract symbolism. Cactus. Popcorn. Hamster. I think that this song works better than “Settle For Me,” even though it’s the same-ish. You really get the first-person perspective of being with someone who’s not giving you what you deserve. “I’ll take it.” :'(

Best line: “Darryl is now played by a broom on a stand”

4. “Let’s Have Intercourse” (season 2, episode 11)

Nathaniel YES! I love that Harry Potter loving mofo. This song is great. And I truly do listen to it A LOT. I know it’s parodying Ed “My GoT cameo is awkward” Sheeran but pffttt who cares. This song is so perfectly written for the character. I feel like we’re getting the theme here that I like songs that are frank about awkward situations. And this may be the top of that whole separate list. Let’s get this over with. So I can focus on other tasks.

Best line: “We’re animals, it’s unfortunate / So come on, let’s contortion it”

3. “The Sexy Getting Ready Song” (season 1, episode 1)

I’m also lumping in “The Trent is Getting Ready Song” with this too! Both are genius songs. Ashley and I sing this one THE MOST. I can’t believe this was in the first episode. It’s sooooo good! It’s fun to sing while dropping a lot of truths.

Best line: “Like some nasty ass, patriarchal bullshit.”

2.“Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too” (season 3, episode 9)

Yes!!! This is what we always always always want! Sexy guys getting naked singing about how the patriarchy affects them too! Give me more please every single day of my LIFE! I thought it was great in the show when Nathaniel and White Josh became friends. And look what we got out of it! The song is wonderful, it has a great build, it’s fun to dance to! I also love how it includes that they’re being objectified by both men and women. Just let them cry and feel their feelings!! You monsters!!

Best line: “We’re expressing our pain through the art of dance / But we’ll express so much better without these pants”

1. “The First Penis I Saw” (season 3, episode 7)

Ok you may have noticed I’m not into Paula songs. I like them, but I’m not twerking out my sad to them. BUT THIS SONG IS PERFECT. It’s so amazing. I’m sorry if I’m over-hyping it, but no, to me it’s great. I love it! The rhyme structure, the ABBA, the content!! When the song starts out you don’t thing it’s going to be about what it’s about. But then it hits you. Like never in my life would I ever expect to hear a song like this. Penises are weird and we should totally sing about them! Guys do it. How many masturbation songs are there in the world? A LOT. It’s beautiful and I love it and it’s my favorite Crazy Ex-Girlfriend song today.

Best line: “And of all the penises I’ve seen / his had the biggest impact / And by that what I mean / is it really made me drop my jaw”

Ok thank you for indulging me in my list! What are your favorites??